The Seventh Time

Sometimes, in trying to rewrite the story, the truth quietly reveals itself.

One of the painful realities of abuse is that it rarely ends when the relationship ends.

For many survivors, there is another battle that follows. It is the battle over the narrative. The abuse may have stopped, but the attempt to control the story continues.

It is not uncommon to hear statements intended to discredit a survivor.

“She left six times.”

“If it was really that bad, why did she keep coming back?”

“She couldn’t have been afraid if she stayed.”

These statements are often presented as evidence that the survivor was indecisive, unstable, or unwilling to commit. Yet sometimes, without realizing it, they tell an entirely different story.

Research consistently shows that leaving an abusive relationship is rarely a single event. According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, survivors leave an abusive relationship an average of seven times before leaving for good. Experts explain that repeated attempts are often the result of fear, coercive control, financial dependence, concern for children, isolation, hope that the abuse will stop, and the increased danger that often accompanies leaving.

Suddenly, the statement “She left six times” sounds very different.

It no longer suggests instability. It suggests someone who was trying to survive.

Every attempt represented courage.

Every return reflected the complex realities of abuse—not a lack of strength.

Leaving is rarely as simple as opening a door and walking away. For many survivors, it requires planning, gathering resources, protecting children, finding safe housing, rebuilding finances, overcoming fear, and navigating the emotional bonds that abuse often creates. Experts also remind us that the period surrounding separation is frequently the most dangerous time in an abusive relationship.

At Seven’s Grace, we believe there should be no shame in the number of attempts it took to leave.

There is only courage.

Courage to try.

Courage to hope.

Courage to prepare.

Courage to keep choosing safety, even when the path forward feels uncertain.

If it took you more than one attempt, you are not alone.

If you questioned yourself, you are not alone.

If you left, returned, and left again, you are not weak.

You were navigating circumstances most people never have to imagine.

Healing begins when we stop measuring survivors by how quickly they left and start honoring the extraordinary courage it took to leave at all.

Sometimes the story an abuser tells to diminish a survivor ends up revealing the truth they never intended to tell.

Not that she left six times.

But that she found the strength to leave a seventh.

Reflection Questions

• Have you ever judged yourself because your healing journey was not linear?

• Are there parts of your story that you have viewed as failure when they were actually evidence of perseverance?

• What would change if you looked at your journey through the lens of courage rather than shame?

A Simple Practice

Think about a season when you had to make the same difficult decision more than once. Instead of asking yourself, “Why did it take me so long?” try asking a different question:

“What obstacles was I overcoming each time I tried?”

Notice how the story changes.

Sometimes healing begins when we stop counting the attempts and start recognizing the courage behind every one of them.